And how I made my decision to stay home with confidence, not fear
Before I left my career in real estate to stay home, we didn’t rely on emotions, gut feelings, or Instagram inspiration.
We relied on math.
Because when you’re married to someone in finance, there is no dramatic leap of faith.
There is a spreadsheet.
Possibly multiple spreadsheets.
And honestly? That’s what gave us the confidence to make the decision.
If you’re wondering whether staying home is financially possible for your family, here’s exactly how we evaluated it—and how you can too.
Step 1: Calculate Your Real Take-Home Pay
Not your salary.
Not your offer letter number.
Not what sounds impressive at dinner parties.
Your actual take-home pay.
The number that lands in your bank account after:
- Taxes
- Insurance
- Retirement contributions
- Payroll deductions
This is the number that matters.
Because that’s the money your job is actually contributing to your household.
Step 2: Subtract the Costs of Working
This is where things get interesting.
Most of us underestimate how expensive it is to work outside the home. Not because we’re careless—but because the costs are spread out across categories.
Here’s what we included:
- Daycare or preschool
- Gas and commuting costs
- Car maintenance
- Work clothes
- Convenience meals and takeout
- Before/after school care
- Cleaning help
- Extra childcare for sick days
- Stress spending (yes, that counts)
Then we subtracted those expenses from my take-home pay.
What was left was the number my job was actually contributing to our household.
And that number surprised us.
Step 3: Test Living on One Income (Before Making the Jump)
This was our safety net.
For a few months, we pretended we were already living on one income.
We:
- Paid all bills using only one salary
- Saved the second income
- Practiced budgeting
- Identified pressure points
This gave us clarity.
Not theoretical clarity.
Real-life clarity.
We learned where we needed to adjust—and where we were already doing fine.
Step 4: Build a Small Financial Cushion
We didn’t wait until everything was perfect.
But we did want a buffer.
Our goal was:
3–6 months of essential expenses.
Not luxury expenses.
Not vacation expenses.
Just the basics:
- Housing
- Food
- Utilities
- Insurance
- Transportation
That cushion gave us breathing room and reduced stress during the transition.
Step 5: Make the Decision With Confidence (Not Fear)
Once we saw the numbers clearly, the decision became less emotional.
We realized:
I wasn’t walking away from income.
I was trading income for time.
Time with our family. Time raising our kids. Time to be a part of those precious milestones that quite frankly, you just cannot get back.
Time to be present.
And financially, the trade made sense.
Final Thought
You don’t need a finance degree to make this decision.
You just need:
- Honest numbers
- A simple plan
- A willingness to adjust
And maybe someone in your house who really loves spreadsheets.
Are you currently thinking of making the switch to stay home full-time or even part-time? I’d love to hear your thoughts!
- M, Married to Finance
Leave a Reply